☽ I FOUND A MOONSTAFF AND MADE EVERY BAD DECISION POSSIBLE ☽

I went to ZiggyFest looking for vibes… I left with a 48-inch Moonstaff and a personal highlight reel of “Hold My Drink” moments I’ll never recover from.

✅ Used it to stage-dive off a moving food truck (landed on a bouncy castle… owned by the mayor’s kid) ✅ Tried to joust a festival security golf cart — lost — ended up driving it… with the staff lodged in the steering wheel ✅ Smacked it on a metal barrier during the headline act… accidentally set off the fireworks finale 47 minutes early ✅ Declared myself "Supreme Breach Pope" on stage — was promptly baptized in two cans of Red Bull and a bucket of glitter ✅ Used it as a limbo stick… solo… broke three ribs… worth it

I didn’t invent this thing. I didn’t ask for this thing. But if destiny hands you a cosmic staff… you swing until the universe taps out.

Here’s What You’re Actually Getting (Assuming You Survive):

— 48 inches of pure bad idea energy — hand-painted by over 100 artists with no legal oversight
— A moon orb big enough to block out the sun… and your common sense
— Flame-ignited, breach-forged, responsible for at least three minor local legends

Perfect for flexing, offending your in-laws, and getting banned from music festivals worldwide.

PRICE: $1,111,111
(Cheaper than bail. Probably.)